Another Grown Up Problem

          I didn't think I'd get as much inspiration as I do from my blog title when I started, but I'm going to talk about the difference between childhood and being a grown up yet again. While I was running yesterday I felt all of my worries and stresses smother me for a few minutes and I wished for a moment that I could go back to when I didn't have to worry about anything. The problem is I never appreciated having no worries while I didn't and barely had time to catch my breath when adulthood started. I realize that's how it is for a lot of people but I do find it very ironic. We spend all of growing up wishing we were done already and we spend our entire adulthood wishing we had less responsibility.
          Yesterday I also realized that even if given the chance I wouldn't go back. Even with all of my mistakes I've worked hard and accomplished a lot of things that I was relieved to be done with. I don't want to do it again I want to just keep going. Which is rather convenient as that is really the only option available. I was also terribly grateful for my husband all day yesterday and he is truly wonderful. However that made me realize that  all this wonderful clarity I was experiencing was due to a timely rush of hormones. Oh grown up life you are nothing if not a roller coaster.

An Ironic Post

          This is an ironic post because I'm going to write about how people should be on the internet less. I think the main thing I've been missing over the last few years, as I've been caught up in being a good grown up, is life. I know I'm not the only one that does this, but I worry and stress a lot and to  take the edge off, I numb my emotions through internet and entertainment. It's a lot easier to put things to the back of your mind instead of dealing with them.
          I even did it today simply out of habit. Instead of getting a cub scout meeting planned I watched a movie (a pretty lame one), and now I'm even more stressed out because I couldn't just deal with what I needed to do. What's sad is that it wouldn't have even taken very long to plan. If I had just done it I would have been done hours ago, and I could've been working on something I enjoy.
          The worst part is that I know it's better to turn off the computer and TV and just get to work.  A few times in my life I've pulled off some amazing will power and didn't procrastinate. I was so happy and relaxed, even after turning in a 10 page paper.
         Ironically I am now blogging about it. However this blog keeps me sane and helps me to remember why I like to be alive, and it's not because I like cheesy chick flicks. No-I'm sad I missed the sunset because I was on the internet, and that I missed dehydrating ingredients for tea because I didn't feel like making dinner. Then I ordered pizza and watched a movie instead. I'm even sad I didn't get to plan the scout meeting even though I've been stressing out over it. TV and the internet stop me from being who I want to be, and I think I'm not the only one. So if anyone reads this I hope you at least try unplugging for a few hours. You'll be surprised at how much more productive you can be when you're not letting multi-million dollar companies do your thinking for you.
         

Moments

          Ok- today I am definitely in a better mood. I've started to get over the fact I didn't get into the illustration program and now I'm just moving on with what needs to be done. I was watching several news programs on the New Years Eve in preparation to watch the ball drop and a celebrity said something I actually appreciated. I don't even remember who it was or what station it was on but in lieu of New Year's resolutions this celebrity woman said something to the effect of  " I just want to enjoy the moment I'm living in right now. I don't want to just be looking forward to something in the future I want to enjoy right now". I've realized I'm too goal oriented and when I fail, and I often do fail at goals, I get depressed even though there are many enjoyable things going on in my life.
            So I'm not going to call it a new year resolution but my big life change for right now is to not worry about the future. So far it's been nice. I haven't gotten hardly anything done on my to do list but I've had genuinely good days. I've read, hung out with my husband, day dreamed, cooked dinner (which I actually like doing) and I've cleaned my house. Most of all I'm way more relaxed than I was two days ago when I was still stressing out about being someone who just can't exist. I even found time to do yoga which was really nice. Anyways the point is, I've spent a lot of time worrying about what I should be doing and I forget to enjoy what I am doing. You don't have to do everything everyday to be an accomplished person you just have to have accomplished moments. I also read an excellent article about how having goals will mess you up and I totally agree. The link is below.
                                      http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/230333
          What I really want to accomplish with these posts is to find magic in my life when it's hard to find. So far slowing down and paying attention to right now makes me feel like I have a magical life. It's honestly the small things like a sleeping kitten on your lap while you read, or a husband snoring next to you, or just some beautiful snow covered mountains that makes life magical. Big accomplishments (like getting accepted into a program) are great but they don't happen very often. I don't want to have to wait on just big things to be happy.